Gift giving

Giving gifts is one of many ways to express love to people in our lives. This is an honored tradition among all cultures. We give gifts to show respect. We give gifts to show love. We give gifts for the fun of it. We give gifts to help others. We give gifts to make ourselves feel better. We give gifts because it gives us power over someone else. We give gifts because we are obligated. We give gifts because it helps us get ahead in our jobs. We give gifts because we get a write off on our taxes. We give gifts because…..

When we accept a gift from someone we can have a feeling of being in their debt. We can feel like we need to respond in kind. There can be a sense of someone having power over us when they give us a gift. How we respond to gift giving is reflected in the kind of relationship we have with the person who gave us something. If it is a love relationship, there are no strings attached to the gift. If it is a different kind of relationship (work, neighbor, family) then there are often strings attached.

Now, what kind of relationship does God have with us? God loves us and He gives us incredible gifts. The question becomes does God give gifts with strings attached? Does God expect repayment for His gift? Several verses in the Bible speak to this and as the Christmas season approaches it is a wonderful reminder of the love of God.

John 3:16 gives us a glimpse into our relationship with God. “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” God gave Jesus because He loved the world; a gift the world can never repay; a gift you and I can never repay.

Titus 3:4, 5 gives us a fuller picture, “But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.” God gave because of His love and mercy. God is a gift giver. He gives us so much.

God gave Jesus. God gives eternal life. God gives forgiveness of sins. God gives us purpose in this life. God gives hope. God gives faith. God gives us what we need. God gives us what we could never attain ourselves.

As you celebrate Christmas be reminded of the gift that gives us eternal life; a gift with no strings attached. Ephesians 2:8, “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.”

Enjoy Christmas, enjoy giving gifts but remember this, when you give, give freely; when you receive be thankful because gift giving originated in the heart of God. His greatest gift is His only begotten son: Jesus.

Relating to a Loving Father

How long will you search for something you have lost? How much time, energy and resources would you expend to find something or someone? There is a direct correlation between how much we value something or someone and how much time and resources we will spend on finding or building a relationship. The more we love someone the more effort we will put forth to have a relationship with them. But effort does not always translate into a good relationship because our efforts, even though they may have good intentions, may be counter productive to a good relationship. The key to putting good effort into a relationship is a better grasp of our relationship with God.

To understand our relationship with God we need to understand what He was willing to do to have a relationship with us. We need to grasp how He sought us and paid for us. Seeing God as a seeker of what was lost and being the initiator of the relationship with us changes our view on our relationship with God. In my last blog about relational chaos, I said that the problem with our personal relationships is our understanding of our relationship with God. We need to frame our relationship with God in the way that the scriptures describe it rather than how we perceive it to be.

The most common biblical relational description of our relationship with God is seeing Him as our heavenly Father. This puts the relationship in perspective: we are subordinate, we are the dependents, and we are loved unconditionally. The problem comes when we don’t embrace this relationship.

This picture is painted in the parable of the prodigal son. The sons don’t get it. The father loves them with all his heart and is willing to share his wealth with them and he also loves them enough to allow them to make their own choices. Both of them misunderstand the relationship. The youngest son sees the relationship with the father as oppressive. He wants to get out from under him. He wants to be the boss; he didn’t appreciate what he had with his father. He thought he could improve on life without the influence of his father. The oldest son saw his relationship with the father as performance based. He felt he needed to serve the father for his approval. This kept him from asking anything of the father while the youngest son asked for everything from the father. Both sons are then surprised by the real love of the father. After squandering everything he had, the youngest son returns to work for his father. The father then demonstrates how much he loves his children. He forgives his son and then throws him a party. This shocks the oldest son. He responds with contempt for his brother and is angry with the father. He can’t believe that a loving father would still love a prodigal.

You see, our relationship with others is shaped by our relationship with the Father.
Does God’s love surprise you?

Thanksgiving thoughts

Thanksgiving Thoughts
November 20, 2009

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. There is good food, good company, good conversation and a time to reflect on what I am thankful for. What a great idea! A holiday that stops the everyday routine and asks the question, “What about my life should I be thankful for?”

Where to start? Life is filled with blessings. My home keeps me dry when it rains, keeps me warm when it’s cold and keeps me cool when it’s hot. I am very thankful for my home. My car starts when I turn the key; it gets me from point A to point B. It may not be a luxury car but it gets the job done. I am thankful for my cars. My dog is old but faithful. You get the idea. Little things that we take for granted really should add to our Thanksgiving celebrations.

Really? Are we thankful people? Thanksgiving gives me time to reflect on what makes my life so rich. I’m so thankful for the people in my life. I am amazingly blessed with a wife who loves me. I cannot begin to count the ways she makes my life so much more fun, full, exciting and rich. My children are my pride and joy. They love the Lord and they love each other. I am so blessed. My staff works so well together and they get along with each other. I am thankful for a great working environment and the gift of working with friends. The church family in which God has placed us has touched every part of my family. I am so thankful for these relationships. Thanksgiving gives me pause to cherish these gifts from God. I am thankful for my parents, my neighbors and my friends. I am thankful for my heritage and my country.

If you press me on what I am most thankful for, the answer is easy. I am most thankful for a God who seeks and saves the lost. He sought me out when I was lost and He saved me from my sins. Every day of my life is a testimony to the love of God. He died for me when I was still a sinner. I cannot express in words how thankful I really am for God giving me what I do not deserve.

As you sit down to celebrate Thanksgiving this year, whether that is at church, at home or at someone else’s home, share with those you are with why you are thankful. We all have people and things in our lives that God has given us. So, do not set your heart on things you don’t have or things you can complain about. Instead, set your heart on the things that you can honestly thank God for.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

The Problem

The Problem
November 13, 2009

Is it possible to pinpoint the “problem” with human relationships? We can come up with a good list of issues that cripple relationships. We could even rank them according to most important to least important. That list would include things like communication, motives, love, time, money, anger, forgiveness, etc…. To get to the heart of the issue we could ask good questions like: how do you talk to each other, do you listen to each other, do you have similar goals, do you have the same beliefs, and do you have similar interests? The questions are designed to identify the problem or problems. Once we identify the problems we either work at improving the relationship or we decide that the effort to improve the relationship isn’t worth it and we move on. We can do this formally or informally. We come to the conclusions with the help of others or in a moment of quiet frustration. Each of us has had relationships come to an end and we move on. Sometimes we learn things about ourselves or we learn things about relationships and sometimes we just scratch our head and wonder what happened and we press on. The “problem” escapes us.

So what is the underlying problem? Sin! Right? Well, in a broad sense yes, but I want to make a case for a more specific problem. I believe the “problem” with our relationships is our relationship with God. How we relate to God is the problem with how we relate to everything and everyone else. Now do not twist this to say this is God’s problem. God’s relationship with us is perfect from His side. The problem with the relationship is our problem. Our understanding of who God is and our beliefs about Him shape our relationship with Him.

God has done everything necessary to prepare the way for us to have an amazing, powerful and redeemed relationship. Our relationship with Him will not reach perfection until we have a fuller understanding of who He is and this will not happen until we are in glory. Until then, we strive to understand and grow in depth of who our God is and how that changes chaos into order!

What did God do? He has been redeeming what we have messed up with sin. He is the Author of Life and relationship. He is the one who came to seek and save that which is lost and to restore order where there is chaos. He is the redeemer of His creation and part of His creation is relationship. Why would God do that? Because He is motivated by compassion and love for His creation. While we were still sinners Jesus died for us. God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten Son.

Isaiah 53:5, 6
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

We have a relationship with an amazing, sacrificing, loving God which changes every other relationship.

Relational Chaos

Relational Chaos
November 6, 2009

Life is really all about relationships. We have relationships with people, with pets, with our world, with God and they are the sum total of our existence. The quality of our lives is measured by the quality of our relationships. Can you relate to these quotes: “Men -you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them”, “If it weren’t for the people this would be a great job”, “Life would be so much better if everyone would just listen to me”, “Beam me up Scotty, their is no intelligent life here”

You get the idea! So we ask, if life is the sum total of my relationships then why are those relationships so messed up or a least why are they so difficult? Why can’t I just stop caring? Why can’t I just go through life without relationships? Why do I have to have the relationships I do have? If all my relationships are bad it can’t be my fault can it? These are the questions that haunt every human being that has had a relationship go bad. The questions we ask are important, but the answers we come up with are more important.

We live in a world that is wondering what a good relationship looks like. How do I have a good friendship, a good marriage, a good family, a good work environment, and a good neighborhood? What does that even look like? Why does it matter? Is this more about me or the person I am trying to have a relationship with?

Here are some principles we will wrestle with over the next few weeks. We were created to be in relationship with people and with God. In Genesis 2 after God had proclaimed His creation to be good, He saw that man was alone and that was not good. So, God created a woman and with the woman came relationship. Man was no longer alone. That first relationship was perfect. Adam and Eve didn’t have conflict; they didn’t have shame or guilt. They were not inherently selfish; they served each other without expectations of payback. Relationships were not meant to be self-serving. What interrupted this perfect relationship? In a word; sin. With sin has come Relational Chaos.

Mankind has taken what God created for good and perverted it so as to exploit relationship for our own benefit. We use relationships to meet our own needs and to gain power. It is our nature to manipulate for our own purposes.

Reflect on your relationships. How hard do you work at them? Why are they important to you? Are you investing in others? Are others investing in you? How do you show others that you value their relationship?

Relational Chaos – a world searching for relationships that work without God.

Closing thoughts on the heart

Closing Thoughts on the Heart
October 30, 2009

Some closing musings on the heart:

First- Guard your heart. Protect your heart from the abuses of this world. Be careful what you let in, make sure it is pure, right, and just. Guarding your heart means you are careful about what you see, what you read and what you hear. You need to guard against the corruption of the heart. Limit your exposure to evil and deception. This requires us to pay attention.

Second – Weed the heart. Remove from your heart anything that produces evil, fear or anxiety. Weeding the heart takes work: it is recognizing what is wrong with our motives, our beliefs and our values. We move from recognition to removal.

Third – Set your heart on things above. After weeding comes replacing previous problems with the heart with true beliefs, good values, and right motives. This requires us to keep our heart engaged with God.

Guarding our hearts is a way to prevent problems. Weeding the heart gets rid of problems. Setting your heart on things above changes the heart.

Two warnings-
the signs of limited or no heart change:
-Defensiveness: This really is a heart killer. This is the most common problem among people. Rather than recognize the need to change the heart we defend its faults. We get irritated when others call us on our heart issues. We find ourselves defending that which has no defense. Feeling defensive? Defend what is pure, true and good and change what isn’t.
-Complacency: Defensiveness may kill a heart, complacency is an indication that the heart may be dead. If you see no need to change anything about your heart, be very scared. This is the great illusion of our own hearts. Self-gratification! I am satisfied with myself and everyone else can just deal with me the way I am. I don’t need to change, everyone else needs to change! This is a dangerous place to be.

We live out of the overflow of our hearts. Do you want your life to be better? Check your heart. Then change your heart. With God’s help your heart can overflow with the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, forgiveness etc… Life doesn’t get any better than that.

Heart Change IV

Heart Change IV
October 23, 2009

Heart change is a long term project as we are exposed to the condition of our heart over time. God reveals false beliefs, wrong motives, and stubborn habits to us. Thankfully, He doesn’t reveal them to us all at once; that would be overwhelming. We wrestle with our hearts by making excuses about why we do what we do. This might make us feel better but it doesn’t change anything. When we are confronted with change we are faced with a crisis of the will – do I change or stay the same? The choice either starts a process or leaves our hearts in the same place.

We started on the process last week when we discussed repentance. Heart change is seldom accomplished in one moment of success. I repented and I beat bitterness. You beat it that time but the heart is still trained toward bitterness. This is the idea of creating new habits. This is the idea of changing as a continual, repetitive heart condition. Prejudice or critical or judgmental dispositions are habits of the heart. When we encounter certain types of people we judge them. We compare them to ourselves or others. We demean people or criticize people. All of these behaviors have their origin in the heart and they are rampant in our families, our workplace, and our churches and in our government. We recognize it quickly in others but have a hard time seeing it in ourselves.

This condition of the heart is often defended with the wrong belief that says, “I am a pessimist”, or “I am just a realist” or “somebody has to say it like it is!” These are mere excuses for a condition of the heart that does not have to be your identity. When confronted with these more persistent and identity type conditions they are more difficult to conquer because we see them as part of our identity. So to change our heart in this case would be to change our self perception. This requires a heavy dose of prayer, conviction and perseverance.

When you identify this in your heart you need to identify what you have believed that is not true about yourself and others. Usually, a critical spirit is trying to level the playing field and does this by pointing out what is wrong with others or with organizations. This is not done in a constructive way but in a demeaning or destructive way. The remedy is repentance; the 180 degree turn in this circumstance is to find ways to use the critical eye to build up rather than tear down. Looking for ways to build into people requires a healthy self image and it requires a heart that is about loving others.

The insidious nature of our hearts is to hide our short comings rather than confront them and change them. Pray that God will change your heart but be ready for the need to work at it and you will need to persevere. This requires us to surrender our hearts to God.

Heart Change III

Heart Change III
October 16, 2009

Heart change can be elusive. We have discussed values, motives and beliefs. But the heart must have consistent attention. Changing habits is hard and takes time and discipline. Both are in short supply in most people’s lives. Changing the heart takes an attentive, watchful and perceptive eye. We must discipline ourselves to keep watch over own hearts.

It is one thing to identify the mistakes of the heart, to see our wrong beliefs, or our wrong motives; this is only the beginning of heart change. They are essential to begin the process but they must be joined together with repentance and surrender. These are not happy words, but they are life changing words.

Repentance is the response to a need for change. When the need for heart change is revealed to us by God and the work of the Holy Spirit, we are faced with a crisis of the will. We are faced with a choice. We can ignore it or we can acknowledge it. Obviously, it does us no good to ignore it, so with heart change being our goal, we should acknowledge it. Here is the beginning of the struggle: the heart does not want to change and moves toward the path of least resistance. Our natural tendency then is to ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit to do any heart change. We say things like, “I guess that is just the way I am”, or “that keeps happening to me” or” I wish I could change that about me”. But, we don’t take the necessary steps to change the heart. We make excuses. Often times, these excuses blame other people or, worse yet, we blame God for the condition of our hearts. You see, bitterness, anger, a critical spirit, apathy, indifference, etc., are all choices and they all can be changed. God did not make you bitter or indifferent nor did anybody else.

So let’s say you get to the place of acknowledgment; you in your heart agree with God that something needs to change in your heart. This is the next step in changing your heart. Let’s say what is wrong with your heart is bitterness, a lack of forgiveness. You say, “I agree with you God. I have a heart filled with bitterness.” The next step is to repent. This means to stop and turn and go in the opposite direction. The remedy for bitterness is forgiveness. That is the 180 degree turn.

Bitterness is usually rooted in 2 false beliefs. The first is: if I forgive someone there will be no justice; the person won’t pay for the things they did to me. The second is: I have a right to hold things against people.

Heart change requires right beliefs about God, ourselves and people. Forgiveness is the essence of our relationship with God. Without His forgiveness we have no chance of a relationship with God. So we need to believe that God forgave us so much that we ought to forgive others. Let Him keep the justice ledger and have Him help us restore our relationship with people who have hurt us.

It takes effort to change the heart.

Heart Change II

Heart Change II
October 9, 2009

Heart change can be elusive. The question of values was where we started last week. We asked the question, what are my core beliefs, my core values? Why do I do what I do? That speaks to motive, and ultimately, we cannot change the heart if we do not change our motives. But where do we go from there?

The next area that I would challenge you to think through is: has my heart been deceived by any lies? Do I believe anything that could be considered a half-truth or even a cultural lie that works against absolute truth? How do we identify false beliefs?

First, we must admit that we all have some false beliefs. We have assimilated them into our lives through learned experiences. We learn them from our families, from our teachers, from our churches, from our entertainment, etc…. The most difficult ones to shake are the ones we were taught by people we respected and then, through a life experience, they appear to be validated.
An example of this is: your parents teach you that you need to stay on the good side of God. Make sure you don’t make Him angry with you because He can make life really hard for you. So, you do some things that you believe get you on the wrong side of God and then He starts punishing you and your life is nothing but a series of bad circumstances. Your conclusion: yep, I blew it; I could not stay on the good side of God and now He is punishing me. Therefore, the solution is trying to get back on the good side of God so He will stop punishing me. So life becomes a battle with God. We live out of the overflow of the heart and if the heart believes that God is punishing me or that I have to behave to be on the good side of God we start to try and do things that God never intended.

We all have these kinds of false beliefs about ourselves and about God. The false belief that we can work ourselves into the good graces of God and work our way out of them is a false belief. The truth is that we cannot do anything to get on the good side of God. We must accept His free gift in Jesus – forgiveness, adoption into His family, eternal life, etc…. After we have been bought by the blood of Jesus, we are always on the good side of God by His grace. So now, the overflow of the heart is not just how do I behave so God will love me and bless me? It is now that God has done this unbelievable act of benevolence for me I want to live my life to please Him.

Our life is no longer a battle with God over good works. It is a life that is lived in appreciation for what God has done for me. No matter what happens in this life, this truth governs my heart: God loved me enough to die for me. Heart changing!!

Heart change 1

Heart Change 1
October 2, 2009

The heart is filled with learned values. We have all been learning a set of core beliefs from the moment we were born. Most of the time this set of core beliefs goes unspoken; they are seldom written down, but they are powerful motivators in our lives. We just do what we do and we don’t really ask why we do what we do, we just do…. What we do is the product of our belief system.

I believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven so I try to help as many people as possible understand and believe what I believe. It changes the way I live, it changes the way I think, it changes the way I drive, it changes the way I raise my kids….. You see, there is a core belief at my center. You have core beliefs at your center. They shape the attitudes of the heart.

In order to change the heart, one must change one’s beliefs. I believe that people can change their behavior through different life experiences and through educational opportunities. A person who has a heart attack is told to quit smoking and drinking. They need to change their behavior if they want to live. So they change their behavior. Their life circumstance along with education has changed their outward behavior. But have their core beliefs changed? Have they had a heart change? Probably not. The learned value that trumps smoking and drinking is self preservation; people are afraid to die.

Ask yourself, “What are your core beliefs; what are my learned values?” People who grew up in the Great Depression have different beliefs about money and excess than those who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s. Where you were raised shapes your values: New York City versus Nebraska. Who your parents are shapes your beliefs: if you had a positive family experience you have a tendency to adopt the beliefs of the family. Obviously, if you had a negative family experience you will have a tendency to look for a new belief system. So ask yourself, “what is in my heart; what is my core belief system?” It isn’t as important to know how you got your core values as it is to know what they are, because once you know what they are you can start to change them.

What you can do at this point is start answering the question, “Why do I do what I do?” I have a core belief that is expressed in a particular behavior. This is how we see the overflow of the heart in our everyday life; but we don’t know why unless we answer questions about our own beliefs and core values. Then we need to start transforming our core beliefs.

Paul states in Romans 12:2a, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Change comes when the heart is transformed and we stop conforming to the pattern of this world. Be a nonconformist!